Muffins

I have decided that I really dislike muffins. I mean I haven't just decided this, it is an ongoing pet peeve of mine, muffins are. I know you are wondering how I can dislike an inanimate object like muffins so much, but it's true, I do!
I dislike the texture of muffins, muffins are often made huge so you get "the biggest bang for your buck" meaning that they will use huge muffin tins to bake them and often ice cream scoops to scoop them into these huge trays leaving the consumer with these gigantic monstrosities known as muffins! This in and of itself is not a huge deal except that because they are SO big they rarely get cooked all the way through so the middle is gooey, not moist and yummy, but raw and gooey. Or else the middle is cooked and this is only achieved by charring the outside of the muffin so that it is either burnt looking/tasting a mixture of the two or rubbery and thick making the inside seem gooey even when it is not in comparison with the rest of the muffin.
Another drawback to muffins is the amount of fat in a muffin. Even low fat muffins are fattening, simply because all they are is carbs!! The trays they are made in are first "painted" with a layer of grease to ensure they pop out easily and the contents of the muffins themselves is mainly flour and sugar in abundance. I mean honestly if I wanted to eat that many empty calories I would simply eat a piece of cake, but people think "because it's a muffin and not cake it must be healthy for me." It's not!
In fact my deep-rooted hatred of muffins is so defined that I have determined it is the one factor that will determine the perfect man for me. He will be a fellow-muffin-hater. LOL