Christmas Reflections

I just finished watching "Christmas With the Kranks" and it really made me want to cry. It's an adorable movie, for those of you who haven't seen it I would definitely suggest it. It's a classic Christmas miracle movie where everything goes wrong but they are eventually able to overcome it and "save Christmas" for one and all, with a little help from Santa Claus, of course.

I wanted to cry because the daughter of the couple in the film is missing Christmas for the first time in 23 years. Making her my age, this parallel hit a bit too close to home for my liking. Upon completion of the film I of course logged onto the computer and had irrational thoughts of planes, trains and buses and how to get home for Christmas, only to find out (as I knew before logging on) that it's not feasible, time-wise or money-wise. It, in a lot of ways, breaks my heart.

This isn't the first Christmas I missed, but due to a series of unfortunate events, it will be the first in which I don't see them over the holidays and I sincerely hope another event like the last one comes along to bring us together for the holidays as it was for a funeral I saw them.

I just love and miss my family so much, they mean so much to me and Christmas is such a special time of year, my mumby makes it truly special for us with a gorgeous house and a "landing strip" of lights to lead Santa. I hate that I can't be there to celebrate it with them. There Dad & Muk & Thressa and Hindy too and of course Boo & Ty & Mel. I love them all so very much and they are all a huge part of my Christmas with all the traditions I have with each of them.

I'm going to miss pork pie, letters from Santa, stockings, taking an extra long time to eat just to make everyone wait that much longer to open gifts, watching Christmas specials with my family, hearing the Christmas stories with my brother and sister, midnight mass, advent calendars, the go-together gifts my dad always gets for my brother and me and how perfect they always are, Christmas oranges, candy-cane ice cream, eggnog with dad, the gift from Muk that suits my personality so well even though it's never something I would have though of myself. All of it.

I know everything happens for a reason, God doesn't make mistakes and my being here instead of there is no mistake. The hard part is that I'm just not quite sure why yet. I'm not good with patience, God knows that, and the only way I'm going to find out why I'm missing Christmas at home is to have patience and wait and see.

I mean of course I could speculate and I may be right, but there would be little use in trying to figure out God's will, just to accept it is good and perfect and that it will always work out in the end. As best as I can tell there are those here who may need my love and comfort over the holidays more than those at home and I really hope I'm able to offer it to them when they need it and that they will be accepting of me when I offer it. I really, really hope and pray that this is a good Christmas for all my loved ones and that I can be there most for those who need me.